Oh, just fine. I’m “great”, just awesome. Thank you so much for asking.
The question is genuine, but the answer isn’t. I’m not “great”, I’m something else which I can’t describe.
It’s been almost a year since I completed radiation treatment and the facts are, I am feeling anything but “great”.
I feel exhausted. It still takes alot of energy to do basic things. I still run out of gas in areas of my life that I used to be able to do alot more.
I feel guilty. Over the last few years, I’ve seen too many friends and colleagues suffer with this fucking disease. Why them? Why not me?
I feel pressure. I now know that every day is such an incredible gift that has so much value it’s impossible to even describe. I feel an overwhelming need to do something spectacular with this, but I have no idea what or how to even start.
I feel blessed. Sometimes the act of giving involves accepting the help of others. I am overwhelmingly blessed with resources, love and help.
I feel hope. I somehow know everthing will be OK. It’s not my job to have all the answers.
I think the answers may be simpler and easier than they seem. Maybe it’s just love. Giving, accepting and being OK with just “being”.
It’s 2:48 AM. I woke up with this on my heart. Going back to sleep now. Carry on.