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A “goal” or a “decision”?

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I hate the word “goals”.  Mainly because it gives you a way out.   Most of our “goals” are achievable and the steps are known if we just make “decisions” about the actions we are going to take. 

Stop eating crap, find a better job, start the business, go to the gym, do the thing,   etc.   Those aren’t “goals” they are “decisions”.  To me a “decision” is way simpler than “wishing” for a result.  

This year I am making some decisions to stop doing some things and start doing other things.   Results will then come on their own.  

I used to ask people what their “New Year Resolutions” are.   It seems more appropriate to me now to simply ask what decisions you have made that move you closer to your desired result.  

What are yours?

360 degrees in 365 days

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Last week I turned 55. One year ago to the day today, I was facing a really ugly tumor. Let’s just say this last year is amazing grace. I just got back from backpacking in the mountains of Colorado with some inspiring friends. To have the strength to do this is indeed a miracle.

A few things I am thankful for today:

  • I am alive
  • I am strong.
  • I am healthy.
  • I have a beautiful wife that loves me, in spite of me.
  • I have two beautiful daughters that are amazing.
  • I still have my Dad and he’s happy.
  • I have a group of friends and colleagues that are lovers of life and God.
  • I live in a beautiful place with the love of my life.

Yea, we had some tough times. Times when I wondered why God was punishing me. But I survived with the support of a lot of people, and those times only served to strengthen who I will be when God is done with me.

I now know those times are just chapters in a really cool novel with MANY chapters.

I can’t wait for the next chapter.

Gratitude in the Age of Entitlement

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I received notice today that our Health Sharing Ministry Christian Medi-Share had approved a $55000 bill from UT Southwestern for the first phase of my radiation treatments

What this means is my expense will now be shared with Medi-Share’s 200,000 members.

Medi-Share is NOT insurance. It’s a sharing ministry. I pay to support others and they pay to support me when we all need it.

None of us is as strong as all of us.

I can’t imagine a better example of this. As of today I estimate my total cost on this cancer journey to be well in excess of $100,000. Between wacky provider pricing, discounts etc you literally have NO IDEA what you’ve signed up for when you really need care. It’s so messed up.

When I checked in for surgery I asked “how much is this going to cost”? The answer was “would you like to speak with a financial counselor?” Oh and please sign this form accepting full responsibility for yet undefined and un-described liability.

Thank you sir now you can proceed to this life saving surgery that you need.

Wait! What have I signed up for? I have no idea. Would you buy a house for some unknown cost? A car? Anything? Nope. Yet this is exactly what we do now when we get healthcare under duress.

All I can say is thanks be to God for the protective layer of insurance and medical sharing ministries like Medi-Share.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

Philippians 4:6

I am so grateful I don’t know where to start. Maybe I’ll start with tomorrow.

Proof that you should behave in life

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This morning I arrived in radiation to my normal group or locker room members.

Mind you we’ve only been chatting a few days and while we know names we only know first names and some basics.

James has to drink 32 ounces of liquid before his treatment. Ann his wife waits patiently for him outside. Ray is an Air Force academy graduate and so on.

We’ve never gotten to last names. So imagine my surprise this morning when I walk in and one of the guys says “it’s Charlie Alsmiller”.

Hey I was sort of enjoying being anonymous here. Turns out this guy went to school with one of my wingmen that did our Colorado hiking trip and somehow they put two and two together that we all knew each other.

Now the Dallas area has 7+ MILLION people. What are the chances of that?

Bottom line. Behave in life. It’s truly a small small world.

Maynard

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During this time we also made a decision to purchase a new home.  We had been in our home for 22 years and while we loved it, it was a family home and needs a family.   Our kids are grown and off living their own lives. Aside from a small army of rescued scrappy terrier-like dogs, it is just us.  

We took a long-shot offer on a 55-year-old lake property near Dallas which has some incredible potential but had fallen into disrepair.   We decided to tackle the project. In the end, we’d have an incredible home for the rest of our lives.     This place needed us.  And we needed it.  

We were set to close on my birthday.  We did. To say this place is a project is an understatement, but we manage to close and start a fairly extensive renovation.   I’m pretty sure we’ve seen too much “Fixer Upper” episodes. More on this journey later…

The Backstory

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I’m one of the few guys I know that actually do what they set out to study.  I have always loved technology and frankly technology’s ability to transform business.  I just love it. And I’m good at it. I studied information technology in school, went on and got an MBA in international business and subsequently traveled all over the world doing IT and ultimately owning a company overseas.  It’s been an amazing ride …one that I wouldn’t trade for anything. 

Except one problem.  I have been “checking the box” for 30 years.    I had built a business, been in consulting, failed miserably in one startup, bought a business, grew it, worked for huge global consulting companies and built systems that help power the world’s energy industry.

I was controlled by ambition and building the most amazing resume I could build.    But, I was changing. Older, mellower. Less intent on being right all the time, or winning all the time. 

We sold my business a couple of years ago.   That business had consumed me, my health, our finances and mostly, I simply didn’t enjoy it anymore.   But, I had done what I set out to do, build a strong career, a financial plan that works and a beautiful family.    We lost my mom a few years earlier and it impacted my view of life, and how long we really have.   

After careful thought and planning, we executed a successful sale of the business to a large corporation.   At the end, they turned out to be bozos and managed to pull back almost half of the value of the deal. Aside from being annoyed, I had accomplished my objective.  Escape.   

Now, this is a longer story for another time.  But after 30 years, I was tired and Mary and I wanted to travel.  So we did. Alot.

  • Ireland
  • Germany
  • Australia
  • New Zealand
  • Mexico
  • Cuba
  • All over the USA
  • France
  • Spain
  • Hawaii

I’ve constructed a new business and it’s still a work in process and always will be.   I have constructed this one in a way that it will never consume me the way the old one did – and I can run it from anywhere.   The reason I am sharing this is there’s a HUGE lesson here. Do it while you can! Get out there …I will write MUCH more about this.

The Ascent

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This is a work in progress.  but right now, I plan to share this journey as best I can through the urging of a good friend.    This is raw.  This is real and my goal is to share what I learn with others.

On July 11, 2019, I was diagnosed with a large tumor in my sinus cavity.  It was about the size of an avocado. This tumor turned out to be a malignant rare sinus cancer.   I am currently undergoing treatment at UT Southwestern Medical Center in Dallas.   

I have decided to write about this experience and share it one piece at a time.  There’s so much here, I feel the need to capture the feelings, emotions, joys and anxieties with this process.

There’s so much I don’t know about this process, even the parts already completed.  Experts, surgeries, drugs. All stuff I don’t know anything about or understand.    

One thing I do know is that I am already different.    This is my story …I will update this regularly.  Please feel free to contact me if you have any comments or questions.   My hope is to share one process to help others who may be facing similar circumstances either themselves or their loved ones.