How are you “feeling”?

Oh, just fine. I’m “great”, just awesome. Thank you so much for asking.

The question is genuine, but the answer isn’t. I’m not “great”, I’m something else which I can’t describe.

It’s been almost a year since I completed radiation treatment and the facts are, I am feeling anything but “great”.

I feel exhausted. It still takes alot of energy to do basic things. I still run out of gas in areas of my life that I used to be able to do alot more.

I feel guilty. Over the last few years, I’ve seen too many friends and colleagues suffer with this fucking disease. Why them? Why not me?

I feel pressure. I now know that every day is such an incredible gift that has so much value it’s impossible to even describe. I feel an overwhelming need to do something spectacular with this, but I have no idea what or how to even start.

I feel blessed. Sometimes the act of giving involves accepting the help of others. I am overwhelmingly blessed with resources, love and help.

I feel hope. I somehow know everthing will be OK. It’s not my job to have all the answers.

I think the answers may be simpler and easier than they seem. Maybe it’s just love. Giving, accepting and being OK with just “being”.

It’s 2:48 AM. I woke up with this on my heart. Going back to sleep now. Carry on.

13 replies
  1. Cyndi Henderson
    Cyndi Henderson says:

    After Sheryl Sanberg lost her husband, she said many people often asked the open-ended impossible question: “How are you?” (How do you THINK I am? she would say inside her head while being polite.) One day someone asked “How are you TODAY?” She said that one word -“today” – made all the difference. It acknowledges the ups and downs of recovery and grief – and there is no real answer to “How are you?” when you are in that place. But TODAY: I’m having an ok day today. Today I’m not so great. Today I feel blessed. Today everything sucks.

    How are you TODAY, Charlie?

    Peace and love, always.

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  5. Izetta Frizzell
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    In planning your present budget cut up this between a digital digital camera body in addition to lenses, bearing in thoughts during which this is healthier to spend more money on the better lens moderately than on the higher digital digital camera body as the perfect digital digital camera body might give an individual a digital digicam that’s only nearly as good as your current greatest lens. Good resellers may discover themselves ready to affirm buyer information and that alone mustn’t trigger alarm, however the second the subject of further product you didn’t put in your order comes up, beware. Considered one of many oldest strategies within the e book, is itemizing a most well-liked product at an amazingly low value to draw prospects in solely to search out that it’s not in stock, or in stock in a grey market or refurbished state of affairs (however not readily declared as such). It’s made with solely the most descriminating and aesthetic assassins in thoughts, if not essentially the most discreet. In contrast, the proposed fee adaptation algorithm optimizes the HTTP streaming of a number of Dash customers simultaneously who compete for increased high quality video segments from a single server with a limited export bandwidth. Algorithm B-1SLA-S is a seeding variant which employs a One Step Look Ahead technique to pick a better starting point within the search area.

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